


Artistic temperament - Sequel to BlingBling

by millygal



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 13:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10698105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal
Summary: Sam and Chris get their own back...kind of ;)





	Artistic temperament - Sequel to BlingBling

**Author's Note:**

> Crack!fluff this time. Sequel to BlingBling...There are pictures but..you'll have to suspend your disbelief as to the timeline (you'll see why)

Sam's in danger of busting a gut laughing and Chris isn't doing much better but Gene and Ray's faces are completely priceless.

Chris takes a swig of his pint, watches Sam over the rim and tries not to let the two men sat at the bar see his shoulders shaking, "So, where we gonna go?"

Sam shakes his head, watches the way Ray and Gene keep scowling in their direction and smiles, "Not a clue. You're the one that's lived round here his entire life. Where does one go to get a tattoo that's not gonna end up infected?"

Grimacing and putting his glass down Chris leans in closer, "You sure this is such a good idea?"

Sam downs the last of his double, smirks and lets his hand rest on Chris's arm. Drumming his fingers against the other man's skin and titling his head he asks, "You're not getting cold feet are you, DC Skelton?"

Chris shakes his head and scratches the back of his neck. He can feel Ray's eyes burning into his skin and it's bringing him out in goose flesh, "No, s'just, ok, so the plonkers went an' got 'emselves pierced but they can take those out. Gettin' inked's kinda permanent"

Sam removes his hand, slouches back in his chair and smiles, "I've always wanted a tattoo, ever since I was a kid"

Off Chris's skeptical look Sam frowns and elaborates, "Despite what the Guv might say, I'm not a complete 'Jessy'"

Chris laughs and shakes his head. Those two can be such children, they're well suited really. "I didn't say you were, boss"

Sam makes a show of nodding at Gene and smiling innocently then turns his attention back to Chris, "My uncle came home on leave from the army with a tattoo and I thought it was so cool, being a kid and all, but I've wanted one for years"

Chris twists in his seat, waves at Ray, throws him a huge grin then turns back to Sam, "Fine, as long as it ain't jus' about gettin' 'em back. No use puttin' yaself through pain to poke one on the Guv"

Sam grins, shakes his head and watches Gene out the corner of his eye. Ok, so it's appealing, the thought of pulling one over on him but no, he's always wanted a tattoo. This way, he gets to annoy Gene and do something he's wanted to since he was ten.

The question is, what bit of body art would represent Gene Hunt but not be too obvious? Just enough for the man himself to know it's about him but everyone else be oblivious.

Chris watches Sam watching the Guv and chuckles. They're so childish. It's a wonder they ever get any bloody work done with all the practical jokes and name calling that goes on. Not that he can talk, he's seriously considering getting himself inked just to tick his partner off.

What could he get that'd mean 'Ray' but not actually say it? He's been toying with the idea of a great big grizzly bear but that's just rude, even if it makes him giggle every time he thinks about it.

Sam runs a finger round the rim of his glass, sees Chris's face crease up in amusement and smiles in return. If, when they get there, he truly doesn't wanna go through with it, Sam won't push but it'd be nice to have a bit of company for the pain.

Chris rises, snatches Sam's empty glass from beneath his hand and heads to the bar, "Same again please Nelson"

"Sure thing. You two looks a little cosy, anythin' you want to share with the group?"

Chris can see Ray leaning closer, trying to eves drop and smirks, "Can't a bloke have a drink with his boss without everyone thinkin' he's up to somthin'?"

Nelson backs away to fix the drinks and shakes his head, "Sorry, sorry. It's having all you police people in my pub, makes a man suspicious"

He hands over two glasses, watches Chris walk back to the table and slides along the bar to Ray and Gene, "Sorry lads, he wouldn't say anything"

Gene slams his glass down, frowns and turns to look at Sam and Chris, "Damn. Thanks anyway, was worth a shot"

"No worries" Nelson smiles at them both then goes back to cleaning down the bar.

Ray flicks his gaze to Chris, grimaces and turns back to the Guv, "They're up to somthin'. I can feel it"

Gene nods and runs a hand through his hair, "I know, Sammy's got his 'I know somethin' you don't know' face on an' it's makin' me twitchy"

"I mean..." Ray gestures towards the two men still huddled together and laughing "Ok, they're mates, right but they don't usually spend so much time chattin' away on their own. I don't like it"

"Yeah, what I wouldn't give to be able to hear what they're yackin' 'bout"

Ray turns back to Gene, frowns, chews on his bottom lip and asks what he's been avoiding asking all evening, "You don't think, they ain't comin' up with a way to get us back for..." he motions to his chest then hangs his head dejectedly.

Gene grins and feels his face heat up at the memory of Sam's reaction to his new bit of shiny then sobers, "Doubt it, not unless they're thinkin' of gettin' somethin' else pierced..." He shudders at the thought, the only thing they could get that'd really shock them would be...it doesn't even bear thinking about.

Gene motions Nelson over and orders another drink for himself and his Sergeant then goes back to not looking at his partner and Chris. The curiosity's gonna end up killing him and they bloody well know it.

Sam can almost feel Gene's burning desire to come over and find out what it is they're talking about but knows he won't because he's so stubborn and that'd show a weakness. Sometimes he doesn't know which is worse, this all consuming need to one up his lover or the fact that Gene's so annoying he has to find ways to aggravate him.

They're so competitive, which to a certain extent is healthy and it certainly makes for great sex but sometimes...He shakes his head and goes back to figuring out the best place to get himself scarred for life.

"I know, Lilly John's place is just round the corner, she always uses new needles and I've never heard of anyone losin' an arm or nothin' when they've had a tat done there"

Chris turns fully in his seat, tips his glass at Ray and waves again, causing Ray to sneer and turn away. Laughing, Chris spins back round and fixes Sam with a stare, "So, what 'bout Lilly's?"

Sam can see Gene waving his arms about and gesturing wildly towards them and can't help laughing along with Chris, "As long as she's clean, sure. What you gonna get?"

Chris shakes his head and taps the side of his glass, "No clue, been thinkin' on that an' it's drivin' me loopy. Dunno what'd look better an' exactly how do I pick somthin' that say's 'Ray'? What you gettin'?"

"Haven't the foggiest. Something not too girly but then again, if it's about Gene, it's not gonna be girly is it?"

Chris chuckles and nods, "No, s'pose not"

Sam rakes both hands against his scalp and sighs, "What I wouldn't give for google right now"

"Google?"

"Never mind. So, when we gonna do it?"

Chris shrugs and feels his stomach twist over. It's all very well and good talking about it but, he's never been very good with needles. Perhaps having it somewhere he can't see would be easier. That way he won't actually have to watch someone marking him, just feel it.

"Need to figure out what we're gettin' first"

Nodding, Sam finishes his drink and stands, "Right, come on, we'll go have a look in the window, see if we can't get an idea"

"But, it's late, they'll be closed"

"That's why I said 'look in the window'. Ray's right, you are a div"

"Oi. Don't start or I'll tell Ray you just agreed with him"

"You wouldn't dare"

"Try me"

Ray and Gene watch Sam and Chris wander out the pub and both have to hook their legs round their bar stools to stop from following.

"Now where they goin'?"

"No idea. Didn't even say good bye"

Ray turns to the Guv and fixes him with an amused stare, "Now who sounds like a girl?"

Gene scowls at Ray, realises he's right and shoves him in the shoulder, "Shut up, you're the one didn't wanna get a piercin' 'cos dear little Christopher wouldn't approve"

"Ok, I was wrong, he approved.. a lot"

Chuckling, Gene nods and agrees, "Uhuh, Gladys too. Maybe those two gettin' somethin' skewered ain't such a bad idea"

Stood outside 'Lilly's Body Art Emporium', Sam can see a wall full of all sorts of tattoo designs and feels himself getting even more confused. Cupping his hands round his eyes and peering through the glass, he spots one that looks like a baby being eaten by a skull and shudders.

"Some of these are really bloody gross, boss" Chris's stood next to Sam, still trying to figure out what to get and wondering what Ray's reaction'll be.

Sam nods, steps back and leans a shoulder against the glass, "So, tomorrow?"

"How we gonna give them the slip?"

"Just plonk a bottle of booze in front of them. They'll be so pissed they won't notice where we are"

Chris laughs and nods, "You ever wonder what it'd be like, kissin' someone that don't taste like a brewery barrel?"

"It's been so long since I snogged a non-smoker I can't remember what that's like"

"Hey!"

"It's not my fault you lot smoke like chimneys"

Still bickering and giggling, Sam and Chris head back to the pub and hope they can come up with some suitable answers for Ray and Gene's questions.

******

Gene's happily pissed as a fart and passed out in his office with Ray snoring loudly on the sofa opposite his desk. Sam pokes his head in, checks they're asleep then grabs Chris on the way to the door. "What did you put in that party seven?"

"Whiskey"

"Huh?"

"It's the Guv's trick. You remember we went undercover in that pub, he laced a load of the pints with vodka. I just added a few shots of whiskey to the tin and away they went"

"So, not only are they gonna have to wake up to us havin' got tattoo's but they'll have bangin' heads...you sure you thought that through?"

"Uh..."

"Didn't think so"

Sam's been thinking this over and he knows exactly what piece of body art'd represent Gene without anyone else twigging on, it's just Chris that still doesn't have a clue.

They walk as fast as they can out the station, hop into Chris's car and drive down the pub. Parking up, leaving Chris's banger in the alley out back, he and Sam leg it to the tattoo parlour before Nelson can come out and question why they're here so early.

The front door's got a bell above it and it jingles when they walk through. Chris's flexing his fingers and fidgeting but Sam's really looking forward to getting himself inked and is bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Help you two boys?"

"Yea, we'd like a tattoo done. Got any spots free?"

"As it 'appens two of my afternoon appointments jus' got 'emselves nicked so I've got two hour spots goin' beggin'"

"Great"

Chris seems to have finally calmed down and is frantically searching through the pictures on the walls and the books on the side to find something suitable. He's still looking when Sam's lead out back and shoved in a chair.

"What d'ya want?"

"I've got a drawing, if that helps"

"Oh great, another bloody Da Vinci. Give it over"

She takes the scrumpled up bit of paper and eyes it disdainfully, "Right, where'd ya wan' it?"

Sam holds out his right arm and points to just above his bicep, "There"

"Colour?"

"Just black"

"You ever 'ad a tat before, mister?

"Uh, no, why?"

"Might wanna hold on to somethin'"

Sam gulps, grits his teeth and grips the arm of the chair with his left hand. Lilly, or who he assumes is Lilly, grabs his right shoulder, pushes him sideways so that his ribs are pressed against his other arm and puts the tip of the needle against his skin. He flinches but doesn't move and she chuckles, "You gonna faint on me?"

Still gritting his teeth he shakes his head.

It's actually not that bad once you get used to it. The sound of the gun keep buzzing is setting his teeth on edge but by the time she reaches the point where she's got to shade it in, his skin's gone numb enough for him to relax his shoulders a bit, "Keep friggin' still"

"Sorry"

It only takes another ten minutes and she's done. Unhooking the needle and chucking it in the bin next to the chair, she grabs a fag off the side and lights it, "So, wha' d'ya think?"

Sam looks down at his arm and can't see the pattern because of the blood still gently oozing out his skin so she snatches up a bit of kitchen roll, spits on it and rubs until the image is clear.

Sam winces but doesn't complain, "S'nice. Cheers, just what I wanted"

"Bit late now, even if it ain't up to scratch. Your mate 'avin' one done?"

Sam flexes his arm, feels the newly tattooed flesh stretching and bunches his muscle to see if it makes any difference.

"Oi, deaf aid, you listenin'?"

"Oh, sorry. Yea he's getting one. Chris!"

Chris pokes his head round the corner, "Boss?"

"Your turn, you found anything yet?"

"Think so, what d'ya reckon?"

Chris hands over the book he's been cradling and Sam looks down at the sheet of paper in front of him, "Eww, no, that's gross"

There's a picture of a knife with blood dripping off it and a scroll underneath with space for someone's name.

Chris shakes his head and points to the one next to it, "No boss, that one"

"Oh yea, nice. Say's Ray to me"

At the mention of a man's name, Lilly chokes on her ciggie but keeps her gob shut.

Sam retrieves his coat, hands the book back to Chris and wanders out into the main part of the shop. He's just thinking about buying Gene a new nipple ring when he hears Chris yelp and shoots back round the corner.

The sight that greets him is nothing short of hilarious.

Chris's got his shirt off, Lilly's trying to hold him down but he's flinching and twitching and she looks like she's about to lose her patience, "Will you fuckin' 'old still"

"But it hurts!"

"Course it 'urts, you bloody pansy, it's a needle. Sit still!"

Sam laughs, walks toward Chris and nods his head at Lilly, "She's just doing her job. If you don't want something that looks like a spider's crawled all over it, keep still"

"But boss..."

"She's started now, you can't have it half done. I'll stay here, you can chat to me, no worries. It doesn't hurt for long, trust me"

Chris looks less than convinced but he really doesn't wanna have to go back to Ray with a half done tattoo on his chest. Focusing on Sam's voice, he closes his eyes and lays back.

Finally, after Sam's babbled on about every useless thing he knows and Chris's chewed the inside of his cheek to shreds, Lilly sits back, grabs another fag and motions for him to have a look.

"Oh yea, that's actually quite good"

"Quite good, you cheeky..."

"What he means is it's very good and thank you. How much do we owe you?"

"Tenner each"

"That it?"

Lilly looks at Sam like he's got two heads and Sam realises that this is 1973, a tenner's a lot for a tattoo. Where he comes from, his friends've had them and they've cost upwards of fifty or sixty quid.

Shaking his head, Sam digs about for his wallet and hands over four crinkled fivers before hauling Chris to his feet and helping him on with his shirt.

Back out on the street, Chris keeps scratching at his chest which makes Sam want to attack his itchy arm, "Will you stop that!"

"It's itchy"

"It will be. Don't pick at it or it'll scab"

"So..."

"Just, do as you're told for once. I dunno how Ray puts up with you, I really don't"

Chris hurumphs, searches his pockets for his ciggies and lights one.

"When we gonna..."

"No clue, what about when they've sobered up?"

"Yea, think I'd prefer not to have to face 'em drunk"

*****

Ray and Gene've come round and are sat in the Guv's office, feeling like hammered shit. They only drank a Watner's Party Seven, they shouldn't be feeling this ratty.

"Bloody 'ell Guv, my 'ead's thumpin'"

"Mine too"

"How long we been out?"

"Couple hours I reckon. Squad room's empty. Where are Gladys an' Chris anyway?"

Ray peers through the blinds, sees that the Guv's right and shakes his head, "Dunno, probably down the pub"

"Ah, jus' what we need, hair of the dog. Come on Raymondo, get ya coat"

Ray laughs, rubs at his eyes then stands.

By the time they reach the pub, everyone's there including their missing partners, "Where the 'ell you been?"

"Here. You two were blotto, thought we'd leave you to it"

Gene shoves up against Sam, almost toppling him off his stool and slides onto the seat next to him, "Come on then, where's me pint?"

"Probably still in the tap"

"Cheek"

"I have four"

"Two of which I'm gonna kick. Get me a friggin' drink"

Chris listens to Sam and Gene bitching and smiles at Ray who's looking a little green round the gills, "You want a pint?"

"Cheers, actually, make it a half"

Chris's eyebrows end up in his hairline and Ray punches him in the shoulder, "Jus' don't wanna end up back on me arse"

"Uhuh"

Ray leans against Chris, making it look like he's holding him upright and whispers in his ear, "We ever get like those two, feel free to shoot me"

Chris laughs, runs a hand down Ray's arm as if he's pushing him away and nods, "No problem"

Ray bends over the bar to retrieve his darts and notices a crimson splodge seeping through Chris's shirt, "What's that?"

Chris looks down, curses then pulls his jacket over the mark, "S'nothin'"

Ray grips the material, pulls his jacket out the way and points, "No, that's definitely somthin'. Chris..."

Gene's only half listening to his officers, he's too busy trying to get Sam to take his coat off, "It's bloody swelterin' in 'ere, take it off"

"I'm fine, thanks"

"What's so important 'bout keepin' that shitty thing on?"

"Nothing, I'm just not hot"

"There's sweat drippin' down your nose, Gladys. You're hot. Take it off"

"Fine!"

Sam looks at Chris who's panicking and trying to come up with an answer then shakes his head and removes his leather jacket.

There's a stain on his arm the same as on Chris's chest and Gene automatically starts rolling his sleeve up, "What the fuck's that!"

Sam tries to shake Gene off but he's too strong, "Get off"

"Tyler!"

Chris and Sam look at each other, back to Gene and Ray then grimace, "Fine, just shove back"

Sam and Chris step away from the bar and wait to make sure everyone else's chatting away, not paying them any attention. Once they're sure they're not being observed, Sam undoes a few buttons on his shirt and pulls the material down to his elbow.

Chris loosens his tie, pulls it from around his neck and yanks his shirt off his shoulder, revealing the left side of his chest.

Gene and Ray both gasp and stand up.

Chris's got a tattoo just above his left nipple, it's an outline of two guns crossed at the barrel, "When did you get..."

"This afternoon while you two was kippin'"

"Why?"

Gene runs a finger round the sore flesh on Sam's arm and winces when Sam's flinches. Just above his right bicep there's two tiny dragons holding a five pointed star on their wings, "Why...what's that..."

Chris looks to Sam who nods, "Was meant to get you back for the nipple thing but..."

Sam looks at Gene, leans against the bar and smiles, "We ended up getting something that reminded us of you"

Chris points to his chest, lowers his voice and grins, "That's us, the two guns, see"

Sam waves a hand over his arm and looks at Gene through thick lashes, "And that's you. It's a sheriff's badge"

Gene and Ray look suspiciously misty eyed and Gene coughs then clears his throat, breaking the spell, "Sam?"

"Yea?"

"Did you spike my beer?"

"What makes you say that?"

Gene narrows his eyes and looks at Ray who's sill staring at Chris's exposed chest, "Put it away Skelton"

"Sorry Guv" Chris pulls his shirt back over his shoulder and waits for Sam to try and get himself out of this one.

"Well, Inspector...I've never passed out from drinkin' a Watney's Party Seven before"

Sam chuckles but makes his eyes as wide as possible, "Now would I do a thing like that?"

Re-buttoning his shirt, Sam hides his grin behind his pint glass and watches Gene try to answer that without getting himself a slap.

"Didn't think you'd go all 'Dorothy' an' get me name etched on ya arm either, but..."

"It's not your name and don't be so egobloodytistical"

Ray sits back down, smiles at Chris and nods towards Nelson who's stood in the corner, hiding behind a paper. The paper's shaking and rattling and Chris can hear him laughing behind it.

Gene notices Ray and Chris staring at Nelson and laughs too.

"Well, ain't we a bunch of fairies...Piercin's, tattoo's, what's next, dyin' me friggin' hair? So, you gonna bleach ya barnet Raymond, or am I?"


End file.
